It’s been a while since I sat down and expressed my feelings on how university is going. I think last year I reached a plateau and thought that my uni life would continue in a specific way and that there really wasn’t much left to update you on. Turns out I was totally incorrect.
In my first and second year I focused a lot on academic life and put my social life on a back burner. I hadn’t made any steady friendships at uni and I just learnt to accept that. But things clicked into place with me this year. I realised that the reason I hadn’t made those close friendships was because I hadn’t tried. I had found a comfortable lane of traffic and stuck to it but it soon dawned on me that, in reality, I wasn’t totally happy.
Confidence is a surface level phenomena. I learnt that this year. I am confident in many aspects of my life but there are still some areas I could apply that too.
The first half of this semester has been spent making friends and making connections. I’ve been reaching out to people who were friends but not super close as well as acquaintances who seem like people I’d enjoy getting to know. Honestly, I am in such a happier place. I am happy that I am creating memories with people and enjoying spending time with them. Although, I am human and still feel like these people want to keep me at arms distance. I am rationalising these feelings in my head by believing that these people have established friendships groups that are impenetrable. I am not going to integrate into the fibres of friendships. My head kept telling me that I would be the outsider. The one that has to put my hand up to be heard.
I am now realising that voice is incorrect.
If you are reading this right now I want you to know that people care about you and people want to spend time with you. I spent my second year especially keeping my distance because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience. Don’t let yourself enter that head space. Now I’ve left that head space I am realising how much I love socialising and being around people. It’s like that moment in the film the Wizard of Oz. The first 20 minutes is all in black and white and then there’s that moment where she opens the door and everything is in colour. University is now if full colour.
I love colour.
Honestly, the message I am trying to send out is don’t feel like you’re on everyone peripheral. Reach out and makes those plans. If people want to spend time with you they will. Also, if you’re reading this and I’ve been spending time with you recently: thank you. You don’t know how much it means to me. Whether it’s a study date, a coffee trip, some drinks at a bar or a full night out, I love it all.
I could sit and analyse where the origins of these feelings came from but honestly I’d never reach a conclusion. I just know that I am in such a happy social space right now. I am living my best uni life and plan to live it until I graduate.
As always, my DM’s are open over on instagram (@kxnn.y) so please feel free to come and chat if you fancy.